By: Muneer Yaqub
Moved, so seconded; the motion of action.
Charged, the “Orubebes” of the House quickly went to work. They flew into a rage. Things fell apart, apologies to Achebe. Chants of “Greatest Nigerian students!” rented the air, with ardor. Aluta Sabotage, so it seemed.
But, fortunately, there was a “Jega”. He who gaped on, hands to chin, with hopes of a settling storm. Suddenly, the wind whirled down. Wailing “Orubebes” went to bed. So the session continued.
“Those in support of the motion, say AYE”, announced Mr. Speaker. Aye!!! The rest was history. Gbam! The Ayes have it. His Excellency Comrade Kalgo was suspended. Lessons taught, parliamentary powers had been exercised.
Kalgo wished to protest; but was quickly whisked away by his lieutenants, the “Orubebes”. He had tender an apology afterall. The unapproved 1.2Million project, for which he was being suspended, was expended on continuity of students’ welfarism, having explained. Why were the legislators then so adamant? He felt.
The irked lawmakers wouldn’t compromise. Their cherished egos had been trampled upon. No one does that and gets away with it. This, Kalgo did deliberately, they were sure.
His insipid speech, even, didn’t move them an inch. So that despite having appealed to their magnanimity, nothing changed. Where we are talking Million, the lawmakers thought, what can a mere apology do?
But that wasn’t the drama, was it? No, it wasn’t. Because, any political mind would, naturally, expect such to happen. If it wasn’t suspension, what then could it have been?
By the way, I personally had predicted it beforehand, in my “Honorables Versus His Excellency”. Although, what I didn’t rule out was the possibility of him being pardoned; which didn’t happen. He himself, I’m sure, would have forseen himself as a suspended president. So, that actually wasn’t the intrigue.
Before the House knew it, anyway, (phiawn!), there was an “Omo-Agege”. The mace had disappeared! It was a whiff of comedy. The heart of the drama.
Quite unlike what we saw in Saraki’s Assembly, it wasn’t staged by a bunch of hoodlums. But was rather all done and dusted by a single ragamuffin, who didn’t, in the words of Sam Omatseye, “loft the mace and trot up the steps”, like his “Ogas at the top”. But rather grabbed the “god of the House” in the parody of a Hussein Bolt.
Whereas our National legislators “gaped on, paralyzed, dead in the limb,” as the mace was been carted away (as one northern senator was even spotted, in his ‘Babanriga’, calmly relaxing in his chair, undisturbed). Ours in Danfodiyo made an attempt to retrieve the mace at all cost, but to no avail.
However, as though prepared for such kidnap, the Honorable Speaker hurriedly brought out a second mace. It seemed to have been in preservation all along. Cheers and delight filled the House. Claps echoed in applause. The center of an almost fallen house held again.
While our female Honourables sat there, looking pretty (don’t ask me how I knew), with one bubbling her chewing gum at intervals, there seemed to be more in the offing for the honorable House; a house dignified by commotion and brouhaha.
In fact, nothing well portrays the picture of that Danfodiyo’s House of Assembly better, than the title of a comedo-family soap we were fond of watching, on television, while we were kids: “Fuji House Of Commotion.” If you watched it, I’m sure you won’t disagree.
So, some legislators, from the Genesis of the sitting till its Revelation, spoke nothing. They were indolent. As some looked on with nincompoopish smiley faces, others could be spotted dosing, their heads dangling down their necks.
One then wonders, whether it wasn’t some AlMajiris that swelled their ballot boxes with votes on election day. If not, who in their right senses would in such follies as lawmakers?
Whereas, some didn’t seem to know anything of the parliamentary procedures. Yet, they often turned out to be the most active, their voices the loudest.
Whenever some spoke (whether it was a coincidence, that I don’t know), I surely must get drowsy, yawning in disappointment. For they utter sheer balderdash.
One struck me even the most. The confused, unprepared Deputy Speaker. Looks like he wasn’t aware he could ever find himself on the presiding seat, unannounced.
And when this time he did, it was so clear he hadn’t done his homework at all. He had just been muffing around in is position as deputy. He hadn’t equipped himself with the requisites of the office.
So that his fellow honorables were so keen at sending him parking as soon as possible, from the temporary presiding seat he was sitting. Quite unfortunate.
Anyway, two other executive officials of the Students’ Union were suspended alongside their boss. The Welfare Director and the Financial Secretary. One for misappropriation, the other for disobedience.
But whether Kalgo likes it or not, history has been made. And he has just made it into its black-book. On his way to glory, having opted for a shortcut, he has ended up in a dungeon.
While seeking to make a name for himself just like his beloved immediate predecessor, he has (perhaps unwittingly) toiled the way of his unlucky forebears, by way of suspension.
Even though he might have meant well, that he forgot to note that ‘not all justice is tampered with mercy’ skewed him. Well, the deed has been done. But then, history can never be forgotten.
I wish him a hitch-free suspension, and, most importantly, I hope he learns that the law, at times, can be mightier than the people.
good work bro